In honor of Mother's Day, I would like to write a post about some things that have happened in the past year and ten months since my mom passed away. My family refers to them as "signs" and come to think of it, I guess it was really my mom who actually began this. When she was first diagnosed with breast cancer 21 years before she passed away, she would ask God to "give her a sign" that He was near and in control of all that was going on in our lives. She frequently would do this when her cancer antigen blood work test was coming up or if she wasn't feeling well or just needed encouragement to know that God was in control and could be counted on to get her through this. My mom always loved rabbits, hummingbirds and bluebirds. She'd call me in the morning worried some days that her blood work was coming up and that she had asked God to give her a sign that everything would be okay. Minutes or hours later, she'd call back very excited that the wild rabbits that lived in our backyard had appeared, or that a bluebird (which is an uncommon sight) came to the bird feeder. She'd be feeling down and suddenly she'd look outside and see a hummingbird on the deck. She felt like this was God's way of showing her that He was indeed near, was in control, and loved her very much. I have to say that when she'd relay these stories to me, it boosted my spirits (and faith) as well. Over time, I'd be calling her saying "Mom, don't worry, I saw a hummingbird today!" My brother and dad began doing this as well.
When my mom became sick, these things started occurring more often. Her final Spring with us displayed countless rainbows. In fact, I saw more rainbows that Spring then I have seen altogether in my life. One day during the last days of her life, I remember calling my brother who was at the hospital visiting my mom. I was in tears and could hardly speak because there was a double rainbow outside our window. As I was describing it to him, he looked out the window of my mom's hospital room half an hour away to see a rainbow as well! His good friend sent him a picture of another rainbow she spotted the night we buried my mom.
When she passed away, I will never forget walking at the cemetery picking out her burial plot with my dad and my brother. The lady who was showing us the plots was wearing a bluebird pin! The grave next to my mom's had her favorite verse inscribed on it -one we had been repeating over and over to one another those early days -Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint". Imagine our surprise when my dad and I spotted an eagle soaring above my house the first time he came for a visit without my mom.
Anna's birthday and my parents wedding anniversary brought about rainbows. Plants my mom had given me would bloom on special days. My mom also believed that when she found a penny on the ground this was Jesus' way of letting her know He loved her. Pennies, started appearing once she passed -and always at times when I was thinking of and missing her. I could be cleaning the house and thinking of her when I'd put my hand in my pocket to find a penny.
Last Spring the doctor sent me to have an ultrasound done because she felt a lump in my breast. This has always been very difficult for me because my mom had come with me once when I needed to have a needle biopsy done for another lump. Going alone not only is terrifying but makes me miss her so much. Magically though I found a penny in the dressing room just laying there on the floor.
Last Easter was difficult for me as well because it had been the last time the previous year that my mom had been to our house. She had come over for Easter breakfast and spent most of the time on our couch too sick to eat. It was a week or two after that we found out her cancer had spread to her abdomen. I was missing her a lot and "looking for a sign". Easter morning, I walked outside to not only see a bluebird (the first one we have ever had on our property -and believe me I was ALWAYS looking), but the bluebird is sitting in the birch tree we planted in honor of my mom! Later, I asked my next-door-neighbor (an avid gardener and birdwatcher) who had lived in her home for 40 years if she had ever seen any bluebirds in the area. Of course she hadn't!
Even the day I found out I was pregnant with Sawyer we had "a sign". I told Ron I wanted to go to the cemetery to tell my mom our news. As we pulled in the drive and began walking towards her grave, I see two rabbits sitting on her grave site.
I'm not really sure if theses are signs from my mom that she is watching over us and is aware of our special days or difficult times we are having or maybe they are signs from God that He is indeed in control, loves us very much and is taking good care of my mom. I truly believe though that they are not coincidences. There are just too many of them to be coincidences. Either way, I know my mom is up in heaven and I know I will see her again. And this time, there will be no more pain, no more fear, and no more good-byes.
